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Monday, January 30, 2006

It's really hard to put all my messed up thoughts into words so I am really going to try.

I was treading on thin ice when I said all that. It's over now and I've not sunk. But you have. I am sorry. Sorry for breaking it to you just now, when everyone's supposed to be happy and all that. The thing is, I hate pretense. I don't want to pretend to be happy when in actual fact I am not. I cannot pretend to be happy. Every day I go to school, I remind myself to be cheerful and all smiles. It was worth it; but it also paid a price to be happy all the time. I made a truckload of friends; but I have lost myself so much amidst all that laughter and all that senseless banter that I began to ask myself who I was.

Most importantly, I am tired of pretending that nothing is wrong between us. It's been bugging me ever since school ended, because it started right after school ended. We talked lesser and yeah, we seemed to be in two different worlds. That's when I thought we both might be better off if we just let go. I banished that thought but now it has come back. I'm not saying you aren't a good friend; it's just that we are different people. I once thought we could actually get along, which we did, but I have kind of realised that two best friends without too many similarities might not work out. So yeah. This is it.

I hope we still can remain friends. Yes? I hope so.

***

Right. Chinese New Year. Nothing was of much interest. My mother's friends just came. Rarr. Never seen them before. So yeah. I am just going to be anti-social and stay in my room. I don't feel like going out there. >< Haiish. I cannot wait to go to my grandaunt's place. So many people will be there. We will have a whale of a time there. I can predict. HEH. We always have. =) Yeah man. I'll just put the past behind me.

And ohyeah. I have one person to thank here. Nik. Thanks woman for being there. I really do appreciate it. A lot. You made it seem so easy to talk to her and I did it. Now it's a load off me. And if you got into trouble with your mum for staying up so late, sorry. >< But still. Thank God for you, nik. =)

Okay, I shall go back to the boring routine of saying gong xi fa cai.

adios

quote of the day
"seize the opportunity, make a friend for life."
nik. i hope she's okay. her mum and all. rarr.

11:01 AM