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Saturday, March 04, 2006

i am hanging onto one last strand of sanity. the workload now is crazy. i just chionged my smp research, did some editing of the geog essay, anyhow did my physics revision quiz and graph summary, plonked on my piano for 2 hours straight to make up the lost practice and got my homework sorted. and i realised i barely scratched the surface with the work i have done. damn. i feel insecure with the amount of work undone and the amount of revision waiting for me to finish. i pray march hols come quick and come now. but first i have to run through that gauntlet of tests.

and oh damn. still have robotics. the robot is like. half done half not done. grarr. i feel a sudden urge to work like a maniac for one whole day and finishing it at one fell swoop, so that i can stop worrying about robotics even when i am doing stuff like homework and smp. and oh smp, thank God i finished it, otherwise i would have something else to worry about. >< lsl, oh crap, i haven't even checked inet. RAWR. i will go check right after this...and type the damn minutes which are irritatingly short but i have to type, so as to update the people about what we have discussed.

omg. i am feeling stressed. okay i shan't be. i gotta be strong. strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong strong. RAWR. yeah man. courage strength will drive.

but the thing is. how can i be strong when everything's falling apart man. piano? i simply suck at it. nobody knows how much i suck at piano, except for me and my piano teacher, who is probably too kind to point it out to me. bloody shit, i don't even know why i took up piano in the first place. my studies are not screwed but it's in a mess. like i am always not doing my homework. and sooner or later, it would be screwed. damn. keeping up with expectations isn't easy. not when they come from your mum and your dad. i have to work hard. i have to mug. i have to do whatever it takes to make the grade. that's what they always tell me. and you won't know what crap i face at home for getting 37/40 for math. and oh man. when it comes to me being strong. i fall apart completely. exposed and vulnerable. i can't help myself; much less help others. i think i am always trying to be someone i know i can't be. and that's stupidity. real stupidity. and when i think i can stand on my own two feet, i fall head over heels at the feet of failure. it's like rubbing my face in the mud when i have fallen.

sigh. how depressing. but hell. i am going to get rid of all of these bad stuff. they get in my way; and i want it my way. so shit you problems. i am so gonna pulverise you.

adios

12:21 AM