missing from the equation that used to be.
i thought i was well over it.
but i guess i am still not.
i was numbing myself.
i cannot seem to forget.

everytime it's recess or lunch.
i see people pairing up, people going in groups.
going downstairs just to have some time eating together.
and i'm alone trying to hook up with someone to go down with.
cuz i know you'll be going with someone else.
then i realise: i am friends with these people i know in this class
yet i'm not on the same wavelength as they are.
nobody has really been.
as much as i've talked to some people in and out of class.
except you.

i know all of this is too late.
and i just wish i can put all of this behind.
erase memories? no chance baby.
so i guess that's what's holding me back.
i can't bring myself to forget everything.
it's just too hard.
i told myself it's a lesson learnt.
yeah it is, but it's still a memory.
a memory stuck to the back of my mind like a wad of gum.

i reckon.
whoever i meet now along the way have their own wavelengths.
each and every one something different from mine.
a different frequency.
i wonder how long it would take for me to find another.
it took me 5 years to find you.
after my p4 best friend.
it's painful.
excruciating is too strong a word yeah.
but if you want me to put it in one word.
painful.

i just read an online message from claire.
thanks yeah. and i send lots of love as well.
i know i shouldn't be moping.
but. i can't help but do so.
it's a PMS day.
so. DANG.
what a lame excuse.
now i'm damn emo. DANG.
shall get back to work.

<3 gab
8:10 PM