i don't think i'll be able to play the piano today.
i don't have the positive urge/motivation to.
playing just to pass an exam just suxxors.
i'm not good enough for piano, anyway.
i can never hear anything.
i can never sight read properly.
i can never be pitch perfect.
all i can do is type out the keys on the keyboard and add a bit of random emotion.
and it takes me eons to get over the initial procrastination phase for each piano piece i have a go at.
now i'm still doing my third piece, which is almost done, but not done yet, because i can't be bothered to practise the new section i'm supposed to do like yesterday.
and this year, i was more engrossed with school life and stuff, and rarely had time for piano practice.

ARGH. whatever happened to my drive, i don't know.
last year at least i had some sort of alarm inside me that would go off once i stop practising for two days.
and all the stuff i kind of learnt about personal leadership during lead camp is making me feel guilty, but i can't seem to get started.
maybe i worry too much.
i worry about not doing it right, not doing it the way it's supposed to be done.
i worry about starting off on the wrong foot.
DANGGGG. okay i shouldn't worry.
maybe i should sleep. and sleep it all my worries away.
escapism. hardly facing up to anything. bahh.
I DON'T BLOODY WANT TO FAIL GRADE 8 OR JUST SCRAPE A FUCKING PASS FOR IT.
that is nothing short of humiliating, when everyone around me is getting distinctions and high merits.
sometimes i wish i was in a neighbourhood school.
then again, that is a biased POV, which coldman would disapprove of but secretly agree on.
he's always going on about how we're elite and thus should be able to think analytically. whatever.

sigh.

i love music. i really do.
if only i can say this all without that twinge of guilt.

//

sad stuff, chuck 'em out of the window.
i will list a couple of happy things that happened this week:
1. i got my 3.82 GPA (i'm not bragging. if you decide that i'm being an arrogant asshole, go on and be immature. i'm not complaining.)
2. lead camp was enlightening. and i think i'm hopeful again for the next year.
3. i realised i grew taller again. HAHA.
4. i finally did flying fox during lead camp.
5. i now know a lot more about robotics stuff, after training.

yay. good. FIVE nice things, against ONE bad thing, which is major and alarming and urgent.
but anyhow, i can come home and practise my piano like mad tomorrow.
programming course is only until 1130.
so after lunch and all, i will be home by say...130 perhaps.
can start on piano at 200. and i swear i will finish impromptu.
and do all my appergios. HEHEHE.

=)

sometimes i think blogging is so freaking good for sorting out my thoughts.
so that should do it. no procrastinating tomorrow.
i'm super tired. so i figure today i'll put my feet up and have a good rest, since i've been busy the whole of this week.

alright. gtg and cut some slack.
7:25 PM